Deciding on whether to have sex

Having sex can be fun, but make sure it is for you by making sure you are ready.

Ask yourself some questions

• Do you want to have sex?

• When you have sex it should be for you and not just to please someone else or prove something

• Do you like, love, trust, care for and respect your partner?

• If you do not have most of these feelings it's better to leave sex till later

Sex should be pleasurable and enjoyable for you both. If you're not in a situation where you're completely comfortable, relaxed and confident about it, then you wont enjoy it so what would be the point of going through with it?

Some Things That Might Help You Decide You Are Ready To Have Sex

• You know each other well enough to be absolutely sure you both want to
• You have discussed and taken steps to protect yourselves from STIs and pregnancy
• You both feel equally good about having sex
• You feel sure you won't regret it afterwards
• You're sure the relationship would last, even if you said no to sex
• You feel if you said "no" or "stop" at any point that this would be respected

Some Things That Might Help You Decide You Are Not Ready To Have Sex

• It's easier to have sex than say no
• You feel you're being pushed into it
• All your friends say they've had sex and that you should too
• You've been drinking or taking drugs
• You're afraid you'll lose your girlfriend or boyfriend if you don't
• You haven't agreed on safer sex; if you haven't talked, you're not ready
• You don't know how to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy
• If you haven't talked about it with your partner
• If you haven't both agreed what you'll do if there's a pregnancy or STI
• If you just want to get it over and done with

Things To Consider

It's important that, when you feel you are ready for sex, you take some time to think about

• Who you want to have sex with,
• When and where you want to have sex
• What kind of sex you would like to have.

Thinking about what you want before you are in a sexual situation can make you feel

• More comfortable,
• More able to say exactly what you do want,
• More able to say what you don't want

Changed Your Mind?

Some people might have sex and not enjoy it. Just because you've said yes once doesn't mean you have to keep saying yes.

Remember

• You always have the right to change your mind and ask to stop at any time
• You can tell your partner you want to "cool off" from sex just now
• If you need time to work out what you want, ask for it

If you are not sure that you are ready for sex, or if you feel you are being pressurised it might be better to talk it over with someone you trust and work out your options.